1 - Michael Prabhu

23 JUNE/23 JULY 2014

On Modesty, and how Catholics must Dress for Holy Mass - A collation of
information
Some false and pernicious ideas on immodest dress prevail in the world and
lead into error souls desirous to do right. Remember, therefore, it matters
not how many others sin, yours can never be justified before God, and where
it is fashionable to sin it is likewise the fashion to go to hell. The
choice is always yours to make. -St. John Chrysostom

Either we must speak as we dress, or dress as we speak. Why do we profess
one thing and display another? The tongue talks of chastity, but the whole
body reveals impurity. -St. Jerome

To Inspire Love: A Return to Modesty
http://catholiceducation.org/articles/sexuality/se0130.htm
By Edward P. Sri, Assistant Professor of Theology at Benedictine College in
Atchison, Kansas, based on his book, Men, Women and the Mystery of Love
Does it really matter what a woman chooses to wear?
In our post-sexual-revolution world, skimpy dresses, mini-skirts, tiny
bikinis, low-rise pants, and low-cut shirts have become part of the
mainstream attire for women today. And anyone who might raise questions
about the appropriateness of such dress is viewed as "rigid," "old
fashioned," or "out of touch" with modern style. Modesty is no longer a
part of our culture's vocabulary. Though most people sense they wouldn't
want their own daughters dressing like Madonna and Britney Spears, few have
the courage to bring up the topic of modesty, and even fewer know what to
say if they did.
John Paul II-then Karol Wojtyla- in his book Love and Responsibility[pic],
offers much needed wisdom on the nature of modesty and how dressing
modestly is crucial for strengthening our relationships with the opposite
sex.

The Experience of Shame
Wojtyla begins his treatment on modesty with an explanation of a common
human experience: shame. Shame involves a tendency to conceal something-not
just bad things, such as sins, weaknesses, and embarrassing moments, but
also good things that we desire to keep from coming out in the open. For
example, someone who performs a good deed may prefer that his action go
unnoticed. If he is complemented publicly, he may feel embarrassed, not
because he did something bad, but because he did not want to draw attention
to his deed. Similarly, a student who receives high marks on an exam may
feel embarrassed when the teacher praises her in front of the whole class,
since she wished to share her good grade only with her closest friends and
family. There are many good things that we wish to keep hidden from public
eyes, and we feel shame if they are brought out into the open.
This helps us understand one of the most powerful experiences of shame:
sexual shame. Why do human persons tend to conceal body parts associated
with sexuality? Why do men and women instinctively cover themselves quickly
if someone of the opposite sex accidentally walks in on them while they are
changing their clothes or going to the bathroom? Wojtyla explains that this
tendency to conceal those parts of the body that make it male or female is
itself not the essence of shame, but a manifestation of a deeper tendency
to conceal the sexual values themselves, "particularly in so far as they
constitute in the mind of a particular person 'a potential object of
enjoyment' for persons of the other sex" (p. 176).
For example, a woman may instinctively sense that if certain parts of her
body are exposed, a man might view her merely for her sexual values as an
object of pleasure. Indeed, those particular parts of her body reveal her
sexual values so powerfully that a man can be drawn primarily not to her
true value as a person, but to her sexual values which give him sensual
pleasure in his glances and imagination.
That is why we tend to veil the sexual values connected with particular
parts of the body-not because they are bad, but because they can overshadow
the greater value of the person. Wojtyla thus says sexual shame is "a
natural form of self-defense for the person" (p. 182). It helps prevent the
person from being treated as an object of enjoyment. Thus, the concealing
of sexual values through modesty of dress is meant to provide the arena in
which something much more than a mere sensual reaction might take place.
Modesty of dress helps protect interactions between the sexes from falling
into utilitarianism, and thus creates the possibility of authentic love for
the person to develop.


Shame Absorbed by Love
Yet within the context of betrothed love-a mature self-giving love of a
husband and wife-there is no longer any reason for shame. True love ensures
that sentimental and sensual experiences "are imbued with affirmation of
the value of the person to such an extent that it is impossible for the
will to regard the other person as an object for use" (pp. 183-84).
Each person has complete confidence in the other's selfless love. They each
have total trust that they won't be treated merely as an object for the
other person's pleasure. Hence, their emotional and sensual enjoyment is
grounded in full self-giving love and a profound sense of responsibility
for the other person.
The need for shame has been absorbed by mature love for a person: it is no
longer necessary for a lover to conceal from the beloved or from himself a
disposition to enjoy, since this has been absorbed by true love ruled by
the will. Affirmation of the value of the person so thoroughly permeates
all the sensual and emotional reactions connected with the sexual values
that the will is not threatened by a utilitarian outlook. (p. 184)
This kind of trust, however, can only be found fully in betrothed love.
Only in a healthy, thriving marriage is shame absorbed by love in this way.
That's why we want to dress modestly when we are with members of the
opposite sex to whom we are not married. Outside the context of betrothed
love, we must be careful with the unveiling of sexual values or else we
will set ourselves up to be used by the opposite sex.

Avoiding Objectification
Now we are prepared to explore the three aspects of sexual shame presented
by Wojtyla. We have already touched upon the first aspect-how shame leads
us to conceal sexual values so that they don't produce a merely utilitarian
reaction in another person. A woman should want to avoid dressing in a way
that deliberately draws attention to her sexual values and obscures her
value as a person. Certain types of clothing (or lack thereof) are bound to
elicit a sensual reaction that puts her in a position of being treated as
an object of enjoyment.
But here some women may object: "Why is it my responsibility to dress
modestly? If a man struggles with lustful thoughts, that's his problem, not
mine." But this objection misses Wojtyla's point. The purpose of modesty is
not merely to help prevent men from stumbling into impure thoughts. Modesty
of dress is primarily meant to protect the woman herself. It helps keep the
woman from being treated as an object for sexual pleasure.
Wojtyla offers two important insights that help make sense of this. On one
hand, we must remember that human beings are fallen. Thus, it is not easy
for us to avoid a utilitarian attitude when we see the body of the opposite
sex. The attitude of "I shouldn't have to worry about how I dress-that's
the man's problem" naively fails to take original sin seriously. As Wojtyla
explains, "Man, alas, is not such a perfect being that the sight of the
body of another person . . . can arouse in him merely a disinterested
liking which develops into an innocent affection. In practice it also
arouses concupiscence, or a wish to enjoy concentrated on sexual values
with no regard for the value of the person" (p. 190). As a result of
original sin, the human will "too readily accepts the sensual reaction and
reduces another person . . . to the role of an object for enjoyment" (p.
191). And when this happens, Wojtyla calls it "depersonalization by
sexualization." The woman is not viewed for who she is as a person. She is
reduced to a potential object for sexual pleasure. Modesty of dress helps
women to avoid being depersonalized in this way.
On the other hand, Wojtyla goes on to remind us that men struggle with
sensuality a lot more than women. Therefore, it is not surprising that
women may have difficulty understanding what really constitutes modest
dress, for sensuality is not as strong in them as it is in men. "Since a
woman does not find in herself the sensuality of which a man as a rule
cannot but be aware in himself she does not feel so great a need to conceal
'the body as a potential object of enjoyment'" (p. 177). Consequently,
women often don't realize that a certain way of acting or dressing may
actually be immodest. And they may have absolutely no idea that the way
they are dressing may be setting themselves up to be viewed by a man as a
mere object for sexual pleasure. "Very often, a woman does not regard a
particular way of dressing as shameless . . . although some man, or indeed
many men, may find it so" (p. 189).

Concealing Our Reactions
The second aspect of sexual shame is its tendency to conceal our own
utilitarian reactions to the opposite sex when we treat them as objects for
our enjoyment. We realize that a human person is not an object for use, and
we feel ashamed if we treat people that way in our glances, thoughts, or
imagination. Deep down, a man senses, "I must not touch her, not even with
a deeply hidden wish to enjoy her, for she cannot be an object for use" (p.
180).
Consider what often happens when a man is staring at a woman lustfully and
she notices it. As soon as he is caught, he quickly turns his eyes away
because he feels ashamed of what he was doing. He does not want his
utilitarian attitude toward her to be exposed. He knows he shouldn't treat
a woman that way and he immed